she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize