WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
