I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize