let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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