sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
