he was CRYING into my vagina
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
