A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
