um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I party with great urgency now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
