you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
