I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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