fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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