I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
