Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
