I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
