We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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