He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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