Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize