Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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