i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
