u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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