Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
