u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Girls should come with a carfax report
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
