I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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