I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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