So drunk its hurt
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
