I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize