Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You work out of a Hotel?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
