I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize