oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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