And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
