im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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