Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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