I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize