girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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