the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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