Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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