It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize