so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
