If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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