I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
