elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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