just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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