Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize