Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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