I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
