She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
