Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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