This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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