How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize