its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
