i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
