I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
