I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
