party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
