i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I need to align my fucking chakras
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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