doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
