I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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