no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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