well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ugly people sure do ruin things
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
