I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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