nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
