OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
