Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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