So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
