I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
