My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
