"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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