Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
