Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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