first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
