no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
